Vagazzles, Pejazzles and Boojazzles.

When tuning in to my reality fix, I expect inches of mahogany tan, size GG babalons, irritating accents and bromance. So, without a doubt TOWIE captures my shameful addiction idyllically, and is therefore my favourite of them all. However, as series two came to an end a while back, I have resorted to the Daily Mail's 'Femail' column. The gloriously trashy links provide various articles all about the fabulous A to D list celebs. Well I say articles, more like pap shots with captions. Perfection. For a daily fix of tack, I head to this site to update my TOWIE goss.

The cast never fail to attract attention, one I can't seem to forget is Mark Wright and his 'Pejazzle Beauty Kit', yes you heard it, male vajazzling. For those who are unaware of this term, it is basically what one does to add a little sparkle to your genitals. So it's not all about glittery fannies, you can now glamorize your balls! 

But regardless of their orange skin and 'reem' genitalia, in the fashion stakes, the stars of Essex seem to have trouble. Constantly snapped in low cut, skin-tight dresses, it seems like Lipsy threw up on these girls. However, one lass and one lad from the show always seem to impress. Lydia Bright and Joey Essex.

'Lyds' tends to branch out in the fashion realm, with calf-length skirts or adorable frocks, she is a cut above the rest. Then of course, there is the king of the quiff, Joey Essex. This 21st century Danny Zuko, wears jeans so tight, the play 'Nutcracker' comes to mind. But with a hairstyle resembling chocolate whip and trainers so small he walks in a constipated manner, Joey is quite a revolution on the show. Topman has even created a tee with the word 'Reem' splashed across the front; a phrase Mr Essex has popularised. So, at least these two haven't let the mist of weekly spray tans, fog their fashion sense.

However, although they're top of TOWIE in the style stakes, I believe 'Team Arg' is instead, the cream of reem. With his penguin suits and swinging performances, this crooner can 'Fly Me to the Moon' any day.

So, if we've already had vagazzles and pejazzles, whatever's next for series three?? Boojazzles? Who needs a bra, when you can have bejewelled nipples? I predict, we will soon be burning our bras, not out of feminist rebellion, but to glamorize our tits. So 2012, say goodbye to to your bra and hello to boojazzles!